I got up from my knees in the tiny chapel of the children's
hospital I felt as though I had left the weight of the world
there beside that little prayer rail. What was it? What was it
really? Is it actually possible that the Creator of the
Universe was speaking to a plain, ordinary housewife? Yes.
was true! As I cried out to the Lord on behalf of our new
daughter --He had answered the cry of my heart and had washed me
in His Peace that passes all understanding.
It had begun two weeks earlier when I had given birth, 3 months
early, to our 5th child. She was smaller than tiny --she was pink
and had loads of thick dark brown hair and she had weighed 2
lbs. 10 oz., we named her Courtney. But that was 2 weeks ago..
Today, she weighed only I lb. 15 oz. and she seemed even more
vulnerable than she did in the delivery room.
This day had begun as the others since Courtney's birth. Get
up, and try and help the other 4 children and take off for the
hospital. I always hated walking into the NICU (Neonatal
Unit) each morning. I never knew quite what I would find.
This morning was really no different. There lay our tiny 2 lb.
daughter hooked up to wires and tubes everywhere. After a couple
of hours of visiting her alone, Greg (my dear husband) stopped
by the hospital to visit us "both". As we stood there
talking to each other all of a sudden all of Courtney's alarms
began to sound at once! That meant she had not only stopped
breathing, but her heart had also stopped beating. Immediately,
something like 8 - 10 doctors and nurses began to
"work" on her. Greg and I stood on the other side
of the room for many minutes, just holding on the one another
sobbing. As soon as the 1st alarm went off and I began to
realize what was happening, I cried out to the Lord. "Oh,
God, Please don't let us loose her!
Please, don't let us
lose her." Over and over that is all I could say, pray,
think, whatever, until ... I sensed deep within my heart a still
small voice say, "You can not lose her." I heard this
over and over 3 times before it began to sink in. There was such
comfort yet such authority in this voice that I couldn't help
but believe the words yet ... I didn't understand them, for our
daughter had been dead and revived several
could this voice tell me we couldn't lose her.
I finally said, "I don't understand, she was gone and they
got her back." Then the voice said, "No, you don't
understand. You can not lose this child because she's not
yours. She is mine
you can not lose something you've
never owned to begin with." That very moment He washed me
His beautiful peace that passes all understanding,
crown of my head to the soles of my feet.
of weeks alter He reminded me how many of us go
through this life and we are so concerned about losing -- ones
jobs homes and things -- AND NONE OF IT IS
It all belongs to Him!!!
P.S. Because of Courtney's birth, my dear husband finally
began to become aware of the Things of God.
Renee' Culbertson has turned into a very beautiful young
lady. She is saved, serving the Lord and loves Jesus.
not only survived, which the doctors had doubted, but she is in
the top 99% of her class, they said she would probably be
retarded or something because when she was born. her brain
hemorrhaged. She is a straight A student in the Gifted Program.